oh lordy.

i hate that i only come here to complain. basically its just cuz the people i would write about wont ever really be here to read it. But. I just want to follow up to my last post which was awhile ago and say that all that was resolved and i dont know why i get sooo worked up about stuff. gah. things are good on all levels with my friends... well not all levels. just the ones that involve me. Some of my friends have issues and it breaks my heart to see them suffer, but i cant let that get to me.
The only thing really bothering me these days is the lack of attention (sounds horrible on my part) from my girls. Dani has a new boyfriend and everytime i talk to her these days there is just a hint of 'there is something better i could be doing' in her voice. We used to talk alllll the time. phone or online.. but now we barely talk and it takes forever for her to get back to me. If i had a guy friend, i wouldnt do that to her. And shay is just absent minded sometimes. but until i texted her just now she hasnt talked to me in over a week. i dont like it when things change.

but other than that things are good. I was able to get everything out there to cliff. although he didnt really understand all of my 2000+ word note to him, he made the effort to be available to hear what i had to say. We have been able to talk like friends ... although he instigated some comlication to the whole 'friends' thing... which definately confused me, I feel that what we have is ok. but. i still think ill get jealous when hes with other girls. even if i were with somebody. Got a scarf made for him and a hat for sadia! yay.

and mike is mike. accidentally (well.. not really), unintentionally spent too much on him for christmas.... love em like a brother. if anything ever happened to him.... idk.

ugh. forgot the home life situation. just not good. mom is constantly worried about money and that affects each of us kids. frustrates me sooo much because there is nothing i can do.

andrew was in an accident monday night. He was on the hood of Skylars car and she put the brakes on and he slipped off. His face/head hit the front of the car as he slid off and they think that he hit the cement first with his upper hip.. big ol open sore there..palm of your hand size... but he did get a concussion and did black out. the last thing he remembered was being on the car and then he came to in the ambulance. Chipped a couple teeth, swollen red eye and... cut lip... hes doing great now.. back to school and all. but its kinda scary. they had the air lift all ready to bring him out here to IC. (major university hospital for those of u that dont know..)

anywho.
thats all.

  Well. I got about a half a day of happiness in there. The weather was wonderful... i felt like i could take on the world. But no. Somethings always gotta bring me down. My 2 best girls BOTH (separately) accused me of not inviting or including them in things. Granted, there are many thing there were not  part of over the summer... There were soooo many surrounding circumstances and such that made the whole accusation rediculous. I know what it feels like to be left out... i would NOT knowingly put that on someone else... especially these 2. But, they have kids, they live in another city, and most of my summer plans were last minute. unless it involved going to see them, which required some planning.  Im glad they talked to me about it and got it off thier chest, but ya know.... both of them.. right after another? When i finally got out of a rut!?!?!? wtf? seriously.  I think its all good now... but i got the residuals and lack of sleep going on that isnt making it any better.  But for real ... im always feeling left out. granted they had a strange -not really talking to eachother- time over the summer, but they had eachother. and they still do. Im out here by myself waiting for the day when someone would actually want to come and see me. But that will never happen. It never has with anyone else, why should this be any different.  I tell people i miss them and i get a 'ditto'.  I ask how things are going. . . no reply. (main culprit... mike... but i understand hes prolly got alot on his plate right now) BUT hes got time to revamp his myspace profile... but no time to reply to a simple question.  

Which leads me to the boys. Mike likes to not talk to me. great. and cliff likes to make me feel like im always trying something with him, but im not. I told sadia(his 4yr old) that she could come roast marshmellows again sometime. so im trying to get that figured out, but he says that he dosent know about that... things are confusing right now. WTF does that mean. Things havent happened with us for almost 2 months now. and i dont expect them to... and i shouldnt hope for them to, as im sure hes (apparently) found other people to do things 'just for fun when we're drunk'.

I want to be 7 again. or there abouts. virginia beach. backyard swing. (id miss my bro tho..) kids just having fun. no 'life to choke on" (thanks alot mike)

Comment and I'll:
1 - Tell you why I friended you.
2 - Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, a sexual position, etc. (Or, not)
3 - Tell you something I like about you.
4 - Tell you a memory I have of you.
5 - Associate you with a character/pairing.
6 - Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
7 - Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
8 - In return, you must post this in your LJ.

You scored as Green. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'> Green 75% Democrat 67% Socialist 58% Communism 58% Anarchism 58% Fascism 42% Nazi 33% Republican 25% What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Box. You are a BOX. You like to be alone and do things on your own. You don't mind the dark, nobody can see you there. You may seem rather ordinary on the outside, but on the inside you are full of suprises. Pillow 83% Box 83% Match 75% Tampon 67% Paper 50% Lemon 33% Which Random Object Do You Represent? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Angel. Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel. Angel 67% Mermaid 58% Faerie 50% WereWolf 42% Dragon 33% Demon 8% What Mythological Creature are you? (Cool Pics!) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Elemental. You are an Elemental! After the Primordials passed the buck of dealing with Creation to the Celestial Gods, the Celestial Gods stuck the Elementals with the task of keeping things straight in the world. That seems like a whole lot of work now, though, and in spite of the fact that you sometimes wish for the glory days to return-- the Court of Orderly Flame misses Swan Dragon like nothing else, for example-- it's easier to have fun the way things are now, especially since there aren't any Celestial censors that do their job properly anymore. Elemental 90% Lunar 85% Sidereal 65% Malfean 65% Solar 60% Abyssal 60% Dragon-Blooded 55% Yozi 50% Fair Folk 50% Celestine 35% What Exalted Character Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

oh thats enough for now

The Solar Eclipse in Aries on Wednesday, DREAMER2015, is going to have quite an effect on your home and family life. This could be the time that you decide to move, or that you have to move because your career demands that you relocate. This Eclipse is quite dynamic and even though it usually brings about the chance of a new beginning, it can also be quite chaotic as it clears away the old and outlived aspects of your life. So the important thing to realize is that even if you feel the need to panic, remember that whatever happens is likely to be for your own good. You can't move on if you are stuck to the past and even if you don't feel ready to leave old circumstances behind, you may have to. Don't make any major decisions until the beginning of the following week as you will have a better idea of how things are shaping up by then. Mars is still in Gemini and is stirring up matters at work - you are keen to be a force for change in this area of your life as well. Venus sextiles Pluto on Sunday, which may compel you to splash out on something expensive.


these things are allllllllways right on about something...

especially the whole part about moving on and being stuck in the past (ahem .. aka milwaukee... )

anyways...

thats it really... ~ Amy Jo

So as it is Lent... I shall be fasting (giving up) ... Dark sodas, red meat, and candy. I feel like there should be something more... but im not sure what it should be. I always give up those things... oh well...

thats all

Clear the Clutter

This is an interesting week, DREAMER2015, as you get a chance to make a fresh new start by communicating with people you have not heard from in some time. The New Moon in Pisces on Monday encourages you to reach out and to make that connection, recreate the bond. But that is not all; you also get the opportunity to reorganize your office space and perhaps get in some new equipment. You really do need to do this before Thursday as Mercury turns retrograde at this time, and it is not wise to buy anything new such as a car or computer until it is direct once again in a few weeks time. But you can focus on clearing out the clutter, especially too much paperwork which is filling up your desks and drawers and that can quietly send you mad. Jupiter also turns retrograde on Friday, so you may notice its effects in your social life as your appointments schedule may not be quite so busy as usual. Use any spare time to review your attitude to friends and contacts and so recreate your good luck. Venus moves into Aquarius on Sunday which may encourage you to spend more. 

ok so maybe its not all on the dot, but i love it when these things feel like there is someone spying on you and know exactly whats going on. So, that being said, last week I found someone on myspace. When I was in 8th grade he was a senior and i had such a crush on him. it was ridiculous. I have since moved past that and plus, hes gay, so that made the initial message to him a bit easier. Its so exciting talking to him again. Hes at the school Im going to hes working on his 3rd degree AND hes a theater / film major so I really hope i can glean some information about the program and such from him. Also, i sent out a few emails to people i hadnt heard from in awhile. Im looking forward to hearing back from them.

ehh, i suppose i could do some quasi-spring cleaning too.  Yesterday was plain awful. I had a fever and aches and it just wasnt pleasant. but im better now.

so my muffler is fixed and my car is able to make it to milwaukee on my next venture. I am totally looking forward to that. 

I really dont have much else to say, and this whole post is kinda pointless, so sorry if i bored you... 

Please, for your sake and the sake of those you love and hold dear, visit this site : http://www.planforflu.com/home .

I have just finished watching Oprah (which is not something i usually do, but for some reason or another i stopped long enough to see what it was about and then stay tuned). The topic today was the Bird Flu and how it is going to impact the world and what can be done. This is a link to her site with video captions and articles related to the discussion on the show. http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200601/tows_past_20060124.jhtml

Her guest was Dr. Michael Osterholm, an infectious disease expert from the University of Minnesota. He is a very credible source and has worked on many epidemic-like illness in the past including AIDS and smallpox. This flu IS something to be worried about. It is not about IF its about WHEN. The onset of a pandemic is inevitable. The last time something like this happened was in 1918, killing 50 million people. Pandemics are world wide. This means that unlike the situation created by Katrina where other states were there to help, the same tragedy will be happening all over. Every country, every state, every city, every family, every individual for himself.

With the occurance of this bird flu pandemic, the global economy will begin to crumble. Things like medicines and fresh food will no longer be available. A large percentage of the perscription medicines are made overseas. Once a pandemic begins, countries will begin lockdown and things that are needed will no longer be available. Elderly with out medicine, people who are dependant on medicines for day to day survival, they are out too. Diabetics, cancer patients, just to name a few, will also be out. Childhood vaccines may become unavailable and those diseases that have been pretty much obsolete may resurface. There will be far too many deceased than can be handled in a timely and respectful manner.

It is nearly impossible to prepare a vaccine for this. 3.1 Billion government dollars have been granted to research and development of a vaccine, but more is needed. AND It would take months, beyond a year even to get enough to help in an efficent way.  Those with the healthiest immune systems are most at risk. "In the months of September and October of 1918, 7 percent of the residents of Boston between 20 and 40 years of age died," Said Dr. Osterholm.  Myself and my peers are at a risk higher than those who are usually thought of as at risk with the flu. 55% of pregnant women died when contracting a similar flu in 1918.  Why are the healthy immune systems at risk? Because, Dr. Osterholm explains, "The people who have the healthiest immune systems are the ones that succumb to the virus because the immune system goes into overdrive." This flu not only takes affect like the regular seasonal flu, but also takes a hold of other organs like the kidney, liver among others.


"What we have to do for pandemic flu preparedness is better prepare our world to get the living through it, the sick through it, and then come out the other end as well as we possibly can," Dr. Osterholm says. "That's the difference between being hopeless and hopeful. We're going to come out the other end…it's how well we can come out the other end."

Please do not take this information lightly. It will happen, and if it does not, then I will have to apologise for trying to prepare for a possibility. But medical professionals and goverment leaders worldwide are recognizing the FACT that this will happen and it is only a matter of time before the bird flu makes the mutation that allows it to spread human to human, rather than from close contact with the blood or feces of an infected bird. Knowledge is power and with the knowledge of impending doom, please do something about it. Make sure you and your loved ones are prepared. There is only so much one can do, but if everyone has thier own back, things may seem slightly less hopeless.

My personal concerns for the future are definately affected by this. I know many people who are dependant on perscription drugs. I myself, and my peers are in the high risk category. The global economy will fall apart, leading me to question my career motives and wonder if my goal is realistic or even selfish. Will it matter? There is incredible opportunity for humanitarian efforts when this comes about. What will be my role. Documentarian, a replacement for someone who died, a casualty. I am curious about what the world will be like when this comes to pass. Our generation will have its own tragedy, that touches everyone in every way. (exception 9-11, but this will be beyond that). How will the aftermath be, will it take much to rebuild? Will I survive?

I cannot tell you not to be afraid. I will not apologize if this seems like overreacting. It is a real threat and I AM worried. But, too, I will ask you to take the opportunity to do what you can to be prepared. Master skills that will help you and others during a desparate time of need. My heart breaks just thinking about all the pain and suffering we are about to endure, as a global community. I ask you not to panic. I ask you not to fear, because a life lived in fear is a life half lived. Put things in perspective and do whatever you can to protect and prepare yourself.

I know this was a long entry, but if you read it in its entirety I thank you and I ask you to pass it along, or the links, or at least the fact that it is a real danger and cannot be avoided. I am afraid that I am sounding too 'end times', but if what is said is true, then it may just feel like it.

I do this because I love you
~Amy Jo

so.. i think im in for a heavy work load this semester. im kinda scared. im already overwhelmed by the stuff from my first 2 classes today...

oh man. happy new year all. Im so excited for my almost birthday. my brothers is tomorrow. 13! i cant believe it.
So im working on a play and there is this lady who is older and she keeps farting and its driving me nuts!!!

ok.

thats all for now.
Im off to Schamburg to Tower Records with my friend mark!

ttyl
Amy Jo

argh. i have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, but im not sick. It feel like guilt, but i havent done anything wrong. darn feelings. why must they exist? i guess i have just had too much of the bad ones to appreciate all the good ones. Im sorry guys, im always writing about downer stuff, but id rather say it and be done than worry about it for days.
Overall, christmas was slightly more than tolerable. Got some good stuff. nothing spectacular and not lots, but thats to be expected. I dont mind.
I am almost feeling the need to create. To write... my so called story. (not life story, but just a story that inherently belongs to me)I was struck with a real sense of inspiration when dad an i went to our local chinese (i think, i hope) resturant (buffet style) and the lights, the people, the little things that every one was doing, everything that happened felt like it needed to be captured. Everything. The kid who sat behind my dad and kept turning around, talking loud, saying embarrasing things to her parents... the little chinese boy sitting at the table near the door/counter, coloring, wearing a christmas hat, the hosts wearing santa hats, the ladies dressed in typically chinese dresses (not too too fancy, but still, obviously chinese inspired.. ahh the walmart version of the Gucci origonal...)anyways... it all felt strange and new and i just kept discussing in my head what was going on.i tried to figure out a story to go along with it... if nothing else it will just have to be a scene somewhere sometime, but none the less i think that is one of the moments that got whatever ball that is rolling, rolling...
ok enough jibber jabber. Enjoy your holidays and i love you. especially if you read my jibber jabber ;)
take care

my little bro has the flu. Not only is that fact sad in itself, but... hes contagious. And i really dont like the flu... one year we were both sick on christmas, that was really bad. I dont want him to not be there.... he is my only ally (there as in church and then family parties...) argh.

ahh just got my final course grades!

Microcomputer apps: B
Astronomy: B
Literature: B+
Sociology: A
Math: A

GPA: 3.437

i think i did good (pats self on back)

my classes next semester are
General Biology 1
Contemporary World Issues
US History after 1877
Macro Economics
Survey of Film

I think that it has a whole different feel to it... all that history and world realated things... its like the difference b/w a circle and a square. anyways. Thats it...

amy Jo

ahh. so... nine inch nails is playing at a venue near me and i want to go. but i have no one to go with. can you imagine how scary that would be ... for me at least. ah. hmm last night there was a "girls" night. we went to El Toro's for margaritas (i had water), Lassiters... after we bought some mikes hardlemonade, and I had a amaretto stone sour (my new fav) and then i got into a bar because of someone's connections (but the bar/club was so lame! ) then the party slowly dispersed, Shay went home to be with her boyfriend/husband (one in the same, not 2) and Danielle got sick and her little one wasnt feeling good after being picked up from the sitters. so she went home. so me and this kelly girl went to her house which is further than the middle of nowhere, and watched madagascar with her boyfriend... kelly fell asleep, the movie ended. i was planning to spend the night but her boyfriend just made it so akward.. the movie was done, we watched it until the credits were done and it went to the menu screen, the little thing that plays on repeat went through 2x before he said anything (mind you he was wide awake so its not like he was asleep) and he asked if i was spending the night and i said "i was going to, but i think i will just head out." the whole time during the movie i was freezing, physically shaking... and then when i was driving home i was still shaking until i was nusseled (?) in my bed and snuggly warm. Ugh. anyways, i got home at 5 and that is that.

ok. so im feeling a little better now, but im still scrooging it because i dont like this whole christmas thing anymore. Im still haveing negative feelings that haunt me about cerian people. But i shall just have to do what i always do about it. nothing. nothing but worry about it to myself and to the trust ol livejournal here because as i see it, i dont deserve to have it resolved. why should i bother the other people that it involves? I know this is not the way to think about it, but im being honest. I need to move along and just worry about me.

so i was parusing the internet and i came upon a site, filmmaking.com that has a bunch of information and links and seeing that has gotten me excited again. Im contemplating starting to write a "script" or at least a story and backstory to a character. unfortunately i dont know much about life. all i know is what i have experienced and although it affects me very much, i just dont think that the world (or whatever audience) would be interested. So. I must draw from what i do know and i know a variety of personlities. I have a feeling that no matter what i do, i will be taking bits and pieces from the people i know and love, i guess those that i dont love too, to create a single person, or a handful of characters to inhabit a world that i may create. It seems a daunting task, but filmmakers are storytellers and they need something to be passionate about. they need something to say. so that being said, if ever in life you find anything of mine to resemble,subtle or not, you or people you know, dont be surprised.

after saying that, we all know that it will never happen, like all of my other ideas, but just in case, giving myself the benefit of the doubt...

hmm I saw RENT a week or 2 ago. I enjoyed it. but i think primarily those who enjoy theater will enjoy rent. Mostly because the whole structure, scene transitions etc... are definatley related to the script as meant for stage. It felt soooo long. But I liked it a lot. Good story, good setting, good direction. Good soundtrack! very enjoyable. I also saw Chronicles of Narnia. It was wonderful. Fantasy films always get me. I love the whole winter setting and the lovely world that has been created. Im not sure whether i appreciate knowing about the religious undertones before hand or not. I liked finding them and understanding them (although there is controversy over the intention of them being there and if that is what these actions mean). But on the other hand i would have liked to see it without that knowledge. to be able to pick out these things for myself, to see if they made themselves evident without the publicity. Oh well. It dosent matter all that much to me.

I just finished my sociology test just before writing this. 2 classes down, 3 to go. math, astro and lit. i cant wait.

Anyways, my thoughts are with all of you as you, too, prepare and take your finals!!!

~Amy Jo

today has been so long. it dosent feel like this morning existed. Lately I have been in a down mood and i cant shake it. Its due to a number (and growing) of infulences and its driving me nuts. it was so much easier when i had a whole bunch of people to talk to, but now i have no one really. internet dosent count.

one of the things that is bothering me, not primarily tho (i cant figure out what it is .. anyways) is how i have not talked, ya know, vocally, to a lot of friends. (ok, internet does count here) at thanksgiving, I called a bunch of people, and before that too. A couple people just seem to be ignoring the fact that i just want to talk and see how they are doing. Ok, there is one major culprit in this act and it is jon. I dont think he is doing it intentionally and i dont think i am emotionally rational to think about it too much, but i sent him a few myspace messages, one just asking a simple question about a movie title. no response. BUT he has the time to drop lines all over the place.its not just that. theres more but it all seems futile to discuss now. but it hurts. in this case i really feel out of sight out of mind. I know he dosent (or i hope so) mean to do it. Part of it is that i know there is something he should be telling me and he isnt and im here trying to figure out why he wont and then i spiral into insane untrue thoughts. ok im rambling and spending far too much time and energy worring about this. but, yeah. dont tell him please.
family life isnt much better either. I hate it here and still the thought of leaving leaves me feeing guilty. Im even questioning weather or not im doing the right thing. if what i want to do is what is best. ugh this sucks. im worried about my brother. is there any other way to get pink eyes besides actual pink eye and smoking??? i hope so. he got a trench coat too. not to be judgemental, but, sigh. what next.
i talked to sabrina today. im expecting a call from a party she's at. i dont think ill get it b/c she is partying and all. i really need some friends around here. Im dying. my brain is turning into mush and you can only watch the same episode of law and order so many times.
ok now that i have that off my chest, i will attempt to sleep. if my thoughts permit. im going to go see Narnia in the morning. im looking forward to that.
adieu

i have had to brush inches of snow off my car at least 3 times today. I think there is a love hate relationship between us (me and snow) and it still hasnt stopped falling. I fell too, i admit, and my hands were full. It was kinda funny and i was by myself so it was ok. anyways... take care!

Ugh i still have that bad feeling. its kinda a physical one too, not just mental, but i dont like it, not one bit at all. I guess i have a bunch of stuff bugging me.

( survey thingy as well )

project runway season 2! verrrry excited

so here i am... not doing my paper. but i think i have decided on doing it on macbeth instead of my origional choice, about Hemingway. le sigh. I really hope its not an all nighter, considering i have a lot to do tomorrow too. so i think im done with my soc final, and tomorrow i have to possibly give a power point presentation for my computer class. Then all i have is a math test on one chapter (the smallest test as of yet being used for our final... somethings not right, but im not complaining) Then my astronomy test, which may be tricky, but i can pull off a C with out studing and balance that with the A i will recieve in either comp or math, and i get a B so i dont mind. Then there is the effing literature test that is a 2 hour essay test and he stresses that we will need all 2 hours, ugh. I hope he isnt this much of a prick in the film class next semester. although he probably is going to be, why would he be any different. I dont have to babsit tomorrow, so that gives me time for whatever...whatever i need to do that i dont have time for otherwise. Like finishing my powerpoint. Grumble. Ok, enought procrastination, research, here i come...

ugh. Ive got a bad feeling and i dont like it. Not one bit at all. I dont think i like holidays, well the family oriented ones at least, anymore. bah humbug. I almost offically hate christmas.